Murder at 315 Warwick

Moose, Near the Scene of the Crime

Rex, Horrified Onlooker

I knew there was something wrong with the story about a rabbit being slain in our backyard this morning the minute I heard it. For one thing, if it were Rex, the rabbit would win 2 out of 3 falls. For another, Moose couldn't catch a rabbit under glass for crissakes. So, absent running over one with the lawnmower (even that doesn't happen as much as other backyards), our backyard is a relatively decent neighborhood if you're a rabbit. A fact that has clearly been passed down from one generation to the next if recent history is any measure.

No, it was a squirrel. I just put his fuzzy little ass in a hefty bag (I learned that from Dexter but I did not float him down the DuPage River). My guess is this is the same squirrel that lives (lived I mean) in the tree just outside our fence. The one who has been talking shit to Moose from the relative safety of about 20 feet up ever since Moose was a puppy.

Chief Inspector Moose-eau is on the scene now examining her handiwork and pretending to know nothing of the event. Pretty much no doubt it was premeditated. Bringing along a bandanna as a disguise does reveal a certain degree of malice aforethought. The brutality of the crime scene also reveals this to have been a particularly violent encounter. Early reports indicate both Rex and his owner threw up when they came upon the scene. This was personal.

Just thought I'd let everyone know the REAL story. The squirrel did get in a shot on Moose's nose but nothing major, just looks like she cut herself shaving. The lesson being make sure you have a better punch before you mouth off.